In a few days it will be my late Gram’s birthday.  She has been on my mind and in my heart with a strong presence the last several weeks.

She had a joke that each year on her birthday she would be twenty-six years old.  When I was younger I laughed and laughed with her about her new age.  How could she be the same age as the year before?  When I was a little older I played along, asking her if she would, again, turn twenty-six that year.  Sometimes, catching me quite off guard, she would say she was turning thirty-five or twenty-seven.  Now, as January 23rd approaches, I miss that silly, sweet conversation that happened this time of year.

I still feel as if I can pick up the phone and we can have our hours long conversations.  I miss the stories she would share with me – about her travels, her trips to the grocery store, what she was cooking for dinner.

I miss her smile and her laugh.  I miss the sweet smell of her perfume and her hugs.

My heart hurts that she won’t be there in person to see me get married.  She won’t be able to be with us as I find the perfect dress.  I won’t be able to look across the room during the reception, seeing her floating on a cloud, pure joy dancing in her eyes, champagne glass in hand, heart bursting with happiness and pride.  I won’t be able to admire her effortless class and beauty.  She loved a party.  She loved the company, the glam and glitz, the food and drink.  It would have been absolutely lovely to have our first dance to her singing.

Before she died it was all she could ever talk about.  “Alix”, she sighed, “you need to start dating.  I just don’t understand why someone as beautiful as you doesn’t have anyone!  Get on it, you better have something good to report before we speak next time.  I’m a little disappointed.”  She made me laugh.

We will all remember her on my wedding day.  We will all miss her.  I can only close my eyes, see us holding hands together.  Hers lifting mine to admire my wedding gown, making her princess twirl for her.  Happy tears and joyful smiles on our faces.  Her green eyes absolutely sparkling.

Gram, I hope you have a beautiful twenty-six birthday.  You look damn good.  And I will surely be seeing you on my special day.  You will be there, in spirit and in my heart.  I love and miss you.

You know how you think you know your life and what to expect?

Yeah, I thought I did too.  (YEAH RIGHT)

Yes, we had talked about getting married.  Yes, we talked a little about engagement rings.  No, I didn’t set foot in the jewelers with him and pick it out (eek – scary!).  Yes, his marriage proposal surprised me.

Coming home from Disneyland sporting my favorite yoga pants and SeaHawks shirt (because what else would you wear on your sad, sad, sad flight home from the happiest place on earth amongst screaming children and smelly adults?) I never thought that night would end as it did.  I was tired, hot, and my now fiancé said I smelled of airplane.  So romantic, I know.

After I saw that he decorated my living room with rose petals, tea light candles, hershey kisses and had music playing in the background, I knew something was up.  Something big.

Since then I’ve been floating.  Engaged bliss?  Yes.

I’m excited for this new chapter in my life, in our life, and I am so thankful for everyone’s support and love.  These next several months will be something to be forever remembered, enjoyed, and will also mark our new beginning!

XOXO

XOXO

Disneyland ie the happiest place on earth 🙂

I knew we would have so much fun together, I was so looking forward to the trip! Once my family found me… I knew with strong certainty we would make special memories together on this vacation and adore each moment together!

Highlights of the trip:
•being together; putting my mother, my twin brother and younger sister together always ensures free entertainment due to our sense of humor, sarcasm, and our love to laugh and live
•recalling all of our disney memories from actual visits to the park from when we were little to watching and remembering disney movies
•walking fast; I have a naturally fast walk and it was so splendid not having to mentally slow myself down – our first whole day in Disney we got shit done! Pretty sure we walked over 3 miles all around both parks, and sped walked it through strollers, confused guests, lost guests, guests making poor life choices 😉
•yummy foods; we had some ridiculously expensive food (like stupid expensive but what do you expect for a theme park)
•world of color; SO MUCH MAGIC
•Christmas decorations and magic all over Disney!!
•loving on each other 🙂
•pink Minnie ears …. A MUST!

And now I’m waiting to fly back to the PNW… Sad to leave my mouseketeers but happy to go home to my furbabies and love.

Thank you cute family, I love you so so much and with all my heart. Merry Christmas, thank you for all the love and fun! You are everything!

Sitting on a plane – flying to DISNEYLAND! (Hehe my title is sooooo clever, just keep reading…. Hope you think I’m as clever and funny as I do!)

Can’t wait to see my three favorites. My momma, my twin, and my sister. The three that have been with me my whole life. And the three I could not imagine life without.

Sitting here, feeling excited, loved, and sleepy. Three hours and waking up at 0300 could have treated me better 😉

Last night I was telling my sweet man how special this trip will be. In my home state of California, spending much needed quality time with my three peeps. I haven’t spent more than a few hours with all of them together in quite a while! Much overdue and I am so eagerly anticipating cherishing every fantastic moment.

And I can’t wait to get my pink ears!

XOXO

These last few mornings have been sweet. I wake up early, putter around my house, get things done earlier in the day, snuggle and play with my blondie (she’s currently snuggled with me, head on my thigh, fighting deep sleep….adorable) all with Christmas music in the background. My decorations are up, I now have mini poinsettias, stocked up on candy canes and festive Theo chocolate. Yum! Still working on my advent calendars…. Christmas and a full month of starting your day with surprise chocolates?! Who doesn’t like December!?!

Thinking about my Christmas cards, NICU Christmas art projects to do once I go back to work later this week and a bath and body candle I sooo want!!

Also a highlight of this month: I will soon be in the happiest place on earth with the three most closest and dearest people in my whole life!! No worries, I’ve already researched how to properly go about the perfect day in DISNEYLAND. Pumped to get pink Minnie ears! And I’ll be in SoCal getting some sun with my favorites! THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS!

So much has happened this year! I can’t believe we will soon ring in the New Year!

Just wanted to quickly jot down my life in a list form (what OCD, perfectionist, planner, overthinker doesn’t appreciate a good list?) in regards and reflection of the 2014 year.

January
•Spent the New Year at home with Miss Mariah, didn’t want her to freak about the fireworks
•First time NOT being home for family festivities and mochi tradition

February
•Mariah’s birthday
•Mom’s visit 🙂
•Mom made me sign up for eHarmony
•Survived/tolerated rainy season

March
•First Sweet for Pink blog post
•Survived/tolerated rainy season

April
•Survived/tolerated rainy season

May
•One year anniversary of having my BSN, graduation from Dominican University of California
•Surely survived the rain and wet spring season and freezing winter
•Best gal pal gets a RN job and moves to Seattle!

June
•Mom & Joe visit
•Uncle & his family visit
•Met the love of my life

July
•Sister’s visit 🙂
•Sister’s birthday
•Hot, beautiful Seattle summer

August
•23 birthday
•Twin’s visit 🙂
•Hot, beautiful Seattle summer
•One year anniversary of living here and working at my dream job 🙂
•Gram’s passing …RIP I love you so XOXO

October
•Visit California 🙂

November
•First Thanksgiving with my man’s family

December
•DISNEYLAND
•ENGAGED!
•Second (sad) New Years Eve without family – will look for mochi maker this year!

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Wrote this blog post several weeks ago in hopes that I would publish just before the beginning of 2015.  While these are highlights and some of the biggest events in my life, I’m sure I forgot something.  2014 was crazy.  Thankful for each day, each laugh, each hug, each cry, and all the moments in between.  XOXO

Reflecting back on the year as I endure this bout of “I have to work tomorrow night” sort of insomnia, listening to the rain, and letting my hair air dry before I am able to squeeze in some beauty sleeps.

This year has been a whirlwind, my first full year, January to December, 12 months, away from most of my family and my home state of crazy California. Don’t get me wrong, I love and cherish living north, appreciating the lifestyle and beauty that the Pacific Northwest offers. I don’t know if I could move back to California because I do love this life here. As I have only lived a short 23 years, most of my time has been in California so there’s still this bittersweet beckoning I find myself listening to but have no intention of answering in this moment of my life.

So there, 12 months. And a few hanging off the end. A total of 16 big girl, independent months. Couldn’t have done it without several people and their significant love and support. Thank you.

I’m rambling. My point is…. When did I become the person that ignored self care? It was all the rage and quite a hot topic in nursing school. I quickly learned that working nights was rough and not always the easiest life pattern, so I made a point of taking care of myself. Treating myself to the little things.

When did I stop buying myself the occasional bouquet? One of my favorite little pastimes is arranging flowers in a vase. I sure do kill house plants but man I love coming home and getting those floral beauts in their new home for the next several days.

When did I stop drinking my daily green smoothies? Pink smoothies? I really believe that health starts with what you put in your body. My nutribullet was my best friend. (Ahem, no, my yellow lab is always my best friend, no need for dramatics.) I enjoyed looking up new smoothie recipes and seeing what I liked and what I didn’t. It was a simple thing that I could do for myself, and that was awesome!

When did I become the person who needed to drag herself out to go for a walk? I used to go on more daily walks. Great exercise, meditation, time well spent in nature. Time well spent with my furbaby.

These are just small things – but small things that made me happy – that I found myself missing as I lay here in a deep state of reflection.

I don’t practice New Years resolutions but I will be making sure to keep myself in gear with these things and some other aspects of my day to day living to practice self care. I can’t take care of others if I am unable to do so for myself! Happiness comes from within, and it is so self-empowering and confidence boosting. I will strive for a more positive life routine.

My hair might be a little dry now. My eyelids are feeling heavy 🙂 goodnight, thanks for reading XOXO

Beautiful scene from a walk a couple days ago. Beautiful!

Let the festivities begin!

I don’t know how it happened, but Thanksgiving seemed to come and go and now its the second day of December.  Yesterday I listened to Christmas music and froze my tail off.  Because its freezing here in the PNW.  S-N-O-W.  And this Cali born girl still isn’t used to it 🙂

We went to the PNB Nutcracker, it was lovely!  A different translation of the Nutcracker I grew up with, *cough* no sugarplum fairy *cough* but still fun to watch.  The man of my dreams wanted to take me and boy oh boy did I enjoy it.  The trophy cupcake with a pink ballerina topper during intermission was divine as well.  Pointe shoes and pink cupcakes with my man?  What more could a princess ask for?

Can’t wait to do the Christmas Countdown thing with him, during the holidays my heart kind of explodes and with him around…  There’s just so much for be thankful for this time of year.  This year has been a whirlwind from falling madly in love, experiencing the beautiful summer we had, saying goodbye and remembering a beautiful, loved woman, and visiting California family.  I’m reminiscing every moment.  I’m dreaming about my future.  Loving all the people in my life.  And thanking God for every blessing He has ever given me.  And praying for His guidance, always.

XOXO

NICU nursing is where my heart is.  I’ve been working a lot recently, thoroughly enjoying my patients and coworkers.  It has been great having the same patient(s) for several nights in a row.  I am able to acquire substantial knowledge to establish a strong baseline for my patients norms, get to know what the babies do and don’t like, what their parents are feeling and how they are coping with their tiny child in the hospital, in the NICU.  I like following and knowing the baby’s story from the very beginning.  Then I think you can really appreciate the progress, milestones and setbacks they are withstanding or have experienced.  These tiny miracles go through a lot, often times immediately when they exit the womb.

Last night at work I had the pleasure of caring for a teeny tiny little one who I absolutely adore.  As I held her in my hands, sitting up in her isolette, her big (tiny) eyes looked around at her grandfather, her mother.  Hands on her face, wiggling around.  Eyes closing, tired of me handling her and so ready to be tucked in and fed……  Her grandfather and mother race for their phones to take pictures because its way too cute to pass up for a photo op; Grandpa asks me something along the lines of “How rewarding is your job?” completely rhetorical, so much love in his voice as he watched his tiny granddaughter look around, sitting in my hands.  My heart was full of love for this little one.  I genuinely told him that I love, love my job.  I love his granddaughter (hard to not love such a peanut when you spend 12 hours at a time with her) and I love working with them as a family.  She is my girl!

How blessed is this life that I am able to go to work and care for these tiny miracles?  To be able to get to know and love them.  To have the privilege of caring for these small humans, often times more than their own parents?  It is such a joy.  Feeling overwhelmed with blessings and love for what I do.  To be able to participate in some people’s life at this most fragile state and under stressful circumstances has taught me a lot about patience, perspective and advocacy.  I know I have a lot more to learn about being a NICU nurse – I cannot wait for the many more tiny miracles I am able to meet and care for.